JasperSAYSrelax Stories

Dear Montana,

2010-01-26T17:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Today my dog died. He had lung cancer and we had to put him down. He was probably the best dog ever, he never did anything wrong, and he was extremely friendly. He was a corgi, and his name was Montana, and he was 12 years old. He would always cuddle up to me on the couch and comfort me when I was sad, and he'd give me friendly kisses and lay on my bed when I slept at night. I'd come home to his wagging tail everyday after school, and I'd always feed him Mom's meals when she wasn't looking. He was sweet, and he knew every trick in the book. He would jump up and down when we used the words "ride" or "walk", and he'd go out into the backyard with me whenever I took care of our other animals. But as we drove down the street towards the vet, I looked behind me where he sat, looking up at me with sad eyes, saying "Where are we going, sissy?" he was having a hard time breathing because of the cancer and we hadn't gotten any food in him for days.

But as we drove down the street, I knew we were delivering him to death's hands. Even though everyone comforted me, telling me that "He'll be in a better place" and "This is putting an end to his suffering", I couldn't stand the fact that little did my dog know that we were just handing him over.

As we spoke, yet again, to the vet, we comfirmed that he had cancer in his lungs, and it was uncurable. That was when we made the final decision to put him down. My mother left the room, while me and my step dad stayed with him, wanting to be there.

In the 14 years of my life, I have never, ever seen my step dad cry.

But as the doctor prepared the injection that would literally "put my dog to sleep", we cried. We sobbed. As the injection was given, I petted Montana and he looked up at me with his brown eyes. That was the last time I ever saw my dog. He was looking at me as he died.

All day I tried to sleep, but I just fell into a light slumber that I woke from five minutes later with a nightmare, panting, and crying. Why? Why was it that I felt so guilty that I let those people hurt my dog? Despite the fact that it was the cancer, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not being able to save him.

My birthday is on Thursday. My dog has passed.

Happy birthday to me.

RIP Montana

Much love,
JaspperSAYSrelax128

NEW FREAKING NEW MOON TRAILER!

2009-08-17T21:27:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD! SERIOUSLY....BEST TRAILER EVERRRR!

I just watched the new release of the SECOND New Moon Trailer! If you haven't seen it, you don't know what you are missing! Here is the link:

http://screencrave.com/2009-08-17/new-moon-trailer-2/

I loved how they showed Jane. I don't know about you guys, but Jane had always been one of my favs. It is going to be so awesome! I love the music.

On other news...I have been writing a new story! It's called "Feel Good Drag" so be sure to check it out.

WOOOO!

2009-08-07T12:44:00.000-07:00

you know what, I am an idiot. It's okay...you can say it...I forot to post on here that "Oops, he did it Again!" won the BEST HUMOR AWARD! WOOOO!

also guys, I have a ton of new stories if you haven't already seen them. One includes a Pirates of the Caribbean crossover with Twilight. READ IF YOU LIKE JACK SPARROW! haha. Also, serisouly, if you want to laugh, read my new story "ACTION!" just go check it out. I also have a new story going that--for the first time ever--isn't humor. The story is called "My Black Dahlia". It's basically about when Edward left in New Moon Bella became a drug/cutting addict, and is sent to rehab in Alaska where Edward was working as a doctor and he is supposed to help her get better....sadful-ness! But it's a good story....or so I am told....

UNLESS I AM BEING LIED TO?!?

haha okay....

PEACE OUT!

Awards and Preview!

2009-07-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!

So, guess what, skillets? "Oops, he did it again!" was nominated for Fanpire Fanfiction Awards for Best Humor!! WOOOOO! Be sure to vote on July 20th at http://fanpirefictionawards.webs.com/ THANK YOU TO THE FAN THAT NOMINATED MY STORY!!! :D

BTW this Blog is called "The Comtastical Blog" so if you hear me say that, I'm referring to this! NOW!! Preview of TGLU:

Edward walked up to us grinning. “Bonjour!” he said in a French accent, “I am Mr. Donovan, and I am your creepy new French teacher.” He said in the same accent, we all laughed at his impersonation of Mr. Donovan. “But don’t worry, I will be sure to start off the year by flirting with your girlfriend, who happens to be my student.” We all laughed until we saw Mr. Donovan walk up behind Edward, with his arms crossed. We all stopped laughing and stared off in different directions. Edward continued. “And I will be sure to make you tutor the girl you hate, while I tutor your girlfriend.” He said, laughing. His laughter died down when we didn’t laugh.

“He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

Project Secret Story Commence!

2009-07-10T00:15:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow.....Sea Turtles!

Project Secret Story is a go! I have posted the full Summary and Prologue of the new story. The story is called "Seeing Crimson", but you can also call it "Secret Story". You can either find it on my profile page, or to the right are links to my stories, and there is a link to it there.

Please review, my little guppies, so I may know if you like it :]

Urchy and Chill Pill

2009-07-09T03:23:00.000-07:00

Hello my fellow Unicorns! :)

here is some more of Chill Pill the vampire Cheinchilla and Urchy the vampire sea urchine!! JSR= ME

Urchy: Chill Pill, you need to hunt.
Chill Pill: Are you kidding? Never again! I'm NEVER getting roared at by adamn beast!
Urchy: I had to suck on a starfish, Chill Pill. A STARFISH!
Chill Pill: *muttering* You didn't get roared at...
Urchy: Well, I'm going. *leaves*
Chill Pill: *sigh* I don't want to hunt! *gets up and follows Urchy*
Urchy: *jumps into ocean*Chill Pill: *wide-eyed* I CAN'T GO IN THERE!!!
Urchy: Go in the woods over there. *points*
Chill Pill: UGH! GOD! *runs into woods*Urchy: *shrugs and eats starfish without looking*
Chill Pill: *from far away-EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!* What the hell? *looksaround*
Urchy: I JUST ATE A SOGGY CARL'S JUNIOR NUGGET!!!!!!EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
Chill Pill: *attacks a bunny* Since JSR isn't here, I can eat this and keep my pride. *eats bunny*
Urchy: *wiping tongue with disgusted face* I'm never hunting again!!!!!
God: OH YES YOU ARE!
Urchy: MY GOD!
God: Yes?
Urchy: GO- NEVERMIND! UGH! *runs away*
Chill Pill: *runs back home to see Urchy muttering*
Urchy: *muttering* It wasn't real. No God. Yes God. No. Have to hunt. Godtold me to. But I don't want to. But God said...
Chill Pill: hey, man, can you get me a refill? *lifts up coke can*
Urchy: *cowering in corner* IT WAS A SIGN FROM GOD! GOD SPOKE TO MEE!!!!
Chill Pill: uhhh...hello? refill?
Urchy: GOD SPOKE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Chill Pill: come on, RE-FILL!
Urchy: IT WAS A SIGN FROM GOD!!!!
Chill Pill: *throws coke can and hits Urcy in the head* refill! now, bitch!
Urchy: *snaps out of it* wh-what?
Chill Pill: I WANT MY DAMN REFILL!!!
Urchy: GET IT YOURSELF!!
Chill Pill: LOOK, BITCH!! *jumps on Urchy* I....SAID......REFILL!!!
Urchy: *pokes can* HAHAHAHA! TRY GETTING A REFILL NOW!! BAHAHA
Chill Pill: oh...no...you...did not.

Urchy: *sleeping*
God: URCHY!
Urchy: AHHHH! *jumps up* I'M SORRY GOD!!!!
God: Have you done as I requested?
Urchy: I-I h-haven't been th-thirsty, oh high one.
God: ...
Urchy: Hello? G-god?
Chill Pill: WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?! TALKING TO AIR! GOD CAN'T TALK TO YOU!!!
Urchy: HE DID TALK TO ME! I CAN PROVE IT! GOD! TALK TO CHILL PILL GOD!
God: ...
Chill Pill: *eyebrows raised* I'm going to call a sedater... *walks away*
Urchy: GOD! GOD PLEASE! GOD!
God: Yes?
Urchy: Why won't you talk when Chill Pill's here??
God: ...
Chill Pill: *walks in with 2 guys* Okay, here he is. *points to Urchy*
Urchy: GOD! GOD YOU CAN'T LET THEM DO THIS TO ME! GOD COME ON! GOD!
Sedater 1: *comes foreward with shot*
Urchy: GOD! GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD!!! PLEASE PLEASE COME ON!!! I NEED HELP!!!
Sedater 2: *grabs Urchy, avoiding the spikes*
Urchy: NO! NO DON'T DO THIS! *thrashes* I'M NOT CRAZY I SWEAR!
Sedater 1: *gives shot*
Urchy: G-god...help...*passes out*
Chill Pill: FINALLY HE SHUT UP! Thanks guys!Sedaters: *nod and walk away*
Chill Pill: *goes to sleep humming 'I wanna be sedated' song*

Urchy: *wakes up* HOLY FUCKING SHIT! MY HEAD HURTS!! IS THIS A HANG OVER?!?!
Chill Pill: uhh....yes.....hehe...
Urchy: so....I got drunk?!
Chill Pill: uhhh....yes.... LET'S GO DO IT AGAIN!!
Urchy: OKAY!!
*goes to a bar and gets Urchy drunk*
Urchy: awww....THE SKY IS GREEN!
Chill Pill: Ummm...that might have something to do with your face planted in the grass...*laughs hysterically*
Jules: CHILL PILL!! WHAT DID YOU DO NOW!?!?!
Chill Pill: I umm...uhhh...
Urchy: hey! OHMAIGAWD!! LOOK!! THE CARS ARE FLYING!!
Jules: O.O
Chill Pill: I just came...to....get Urchy out of the bar. He's totallywasted, man.
Urchy: (still wasted) SFY TAFS FUFFY!
Chill Pill: Huh? *flips Urchy over*
Urchy: *spit out grass* SKY TASTES FUNNY!
Chill Pill: Urchy, that was the ground!! *doubled over in laughter*
Jules: Let's get him to JSR. She'll know what to do!

10 minutes later...

JSR: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Let him sleep!
Urchy: PEANUTBUTTER TASTES YELLOW! DOGGY COME HOME!!!!! GOD! COME HERE GOD!!!
Chill Pill: I'll get him to sleep! *punches*
Urchy: *knocked out*
Jules: CHILL PILL!!!
Chill Pill: *innocent look* Yes?
Jules: Don't punch!
Chill Pill: I thought you really liked punch though. You drink it all thetime!!
Jules: UGH! Go away Chill Pill! *storms out*
Chill Pill: Why'd she tell me to leave when she left?? WTF?
JSR: *shrugs*
Chill Pill: Hey, JSR. *smiles evilly*
JSR: Y-Yes? *backs away slowly*
Chill Pill: Sinse Jules is gone, and Urchy's knocked out...
JSR: Oh, God!

1 hour later...

JSR: OMG! AND THEN SHE SAID, "I WAS JUST. KIDDING!" *laughing hysterically*
Chill Pill: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OHMYGOD! *drinks more vodka* WANT SOMEMORE!
JSR: YES! *drinks*
Chill Pill: JSR, You're my best friend!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
JSR: *nods and falls over* I'M DIZZY!! *yells from floor*
Chill Pill: THEN STOP SPINNING!!!!
JSR: OH, RIGHT... ALL BETTER!!!
Chill Pill: I WANT A BUG!!!!
JSR: THEN YOU GET A BUG!!!
Chill Pill: DID I SAY BUG?! I MEANT HUG!!!!
JSR: ASK JULES! I'M BUSY!! *still lying on the floor*
Chill Pill: *goes to Jules* HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!!!!!! *attacks Jules*
Jules: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CHILL PILL!!!!!!!!
Chill Pill: *falls asleep with Jules in a death grip*
Jules: C-chill...Pill...l-let...*chokes*

There you! as requested by you guys! Co-written by Jules96.

The Secret Story?

2009-07-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

lalalala! :)

Yes, it's true. I have been working on a secret story. The story is....secret. GO FIGURE! I have thought about posting the story, but I think I will wait until it's completely finished, since I don't want people to be begging me to update it. So....what is it about, you ask? I MIGHT just tell you....or maybe not....no, I think I'll tell you....or maybe I shouldn't....no. I AM GOING TO TELL YOU!! So here is the summary:

Bella was kidnapped by the Volturi in the middle of Eclipse. She was turned into a vampire, and all of her human memories have been FORGOTTEN! So, a year later, she leads a mission to Forks, Washington, where a vampire army battle has taken place. What happens when a certain family is there, and see her as the new leader of the Volturi guard, with incredible powers, that can kill without even lifting a finger? What happens when they try to talk to her, and it only angers her?

hehe....this is Project "Secret Story" because I don't have a name for it yet. So, Project Secret Story, commence! :)

TGLU Sneak Peak

2009-07-03T16:52:00.000-07:00

Hey Fellow.....people.....

Here is a sneak peak of the next cahpter of The Good Left Undone. I wanted to save the funny parts, but I don't like being an un-cool author who gives lame sneak peaks. So here you guys go! Bella's POV:

I ran through the quart yard, yelling at people to get out of my way. I dodged trashcans and leapt over steps, stumbling a few times along the way, and ran towards the art room, when I ran smack-dab into something and fell to the ground. I quickly scurried to my feet and saw that I had run into Ricky.

“Fall down, much?” he said, chuckling. I glanced back and saw Edward running over to us.

“HIDE ME!” I squeaked, and then ran behind Ricky.“He looks pissed. Damn, what did you do?”

“Filled his car with Jell-O…..”

“You—WHAT?!” he said, and then Edward ran up to Ricky.

“Step aside.” He said, grinning.

“Excuse me?” Ricky said, returning a friendly smile.

“You’re hiding my precious girlfriend.”

“I am doing no such thing…...wait, you lost your girlfriend? How do you lose your girlfriend?!” Ricky was a great actor…..except for the freaking big ass smile plastered on his face. Edward was about to step around Ricky, when I came up with a plan.

“OH MY GOD! IT’S JESSICA SIMPSON TOPLESS!!” I screamed, pointing in a random direction.

“WHERE?!?!?!” Ricky yelled, looking. But to my dismay, Edward didn’t even bat an eyelash….not that I can say the same for the rest of the guys in the quart yard….

There you guys go! Also, for the next chapter of "Oops, he did it Again!" I think I will be doing it on Edward and Emmett go to Jail, and they appear in quart. And you get to meet JIMMY!

Funny Fans!

2009-07-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

This is a conversation my Friend(Jules96) created. I thought it was hilarious! JSR(me, vampire) and ME(Jules) Chill Pill(flying vampire chinchilla) Urchy(Vampire Sea Urchin)

JSR: My transformation's complete!!! URCHY GET ME A MIRROR!!
Chill Pill: She just got ugly.
JSR: I AM NOT UGLY! I'M A GORGEOUS SPARKLY FLAMMABLE VAMPIRE!!
Chill Pill: Well in THAT case... *runs and gets matches*
JSR: Uh-uuum... URCHY HURRY!!!! *runs away from Chill Pill*
Urchy: *comes with mirror* Wh-where'd she go?!
Chill pill: *throws matches behind back* Ehhem. I don't know...
Urchy: JASPERSAYSRELAX!!! GET BACK HERE!!
JSR: *from place far away* NO I'M NOT COMING WITHIN 100 FEET OF THATMONSTER!Urchy: WHAT MONSTER?!
Chill Pill: *laughs nervously* Y-YEAH, W-WHAT MONSTER!!
JSR: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP YOU FURRY RAT WITH WINGS!!!!!
Chill Pill: LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!
Urchy: *glances confusedly between JSR & Chill* Um, I think I'll just go.I'll get jules!!! *runs away*
Chill Pill: *grins evilly and flies to JSR* JSR:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
GET AWAY!!!!!

Meanwhile...

Me: *drinking lemonade and reading The Good Left Undone*
Urchy: Hey jules96, Chill and JSR going MAD!!
Me: Um....okay? *hears scream- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GETAWAY!!!!!!!!*
Urchy: MAD I tell you!!!!!
Me: GREAT. *hears more screaming- WHAT THE HECK, CHILL PILL! YOU CAN'T DRINKMY BLOOD! I'M A VAMPIRE!!!!* GOSH! I'M I THE ONLY ONE WHO ISN'T A VAMPIRE?!?!
Urchy: Yup.
Me: Oh, well. *goes back to drinking lemonade and reading The Good LeftUndone*

From your favorite Author!!

2009-06-30T20:48:00.000-07:00

Heyyyyyy Guys!

So this is coming from the author of "Oops, He did it again!", "Player Haters", "Don't Forget", "Things a Vampire Can't Do", "The Good Left Undone, "It's ON!", and "Vampire of Werewolf". I created this blog for you guys, and you guys alone! In this blog I'll be telling you guys about upcoming plans on stories, giving you sneak peeks, and tell you guys about funny....things. LAWLZ! So stay TUNEDDDD! Or My new Sea Urchine Jules96 gave me, Urchy, will eat you. He's a sparkly flammable strong fast kick ass vampire sea urchine with an affinity for water. And he's best friends with Chill Pill, a magical flying emotion-feeling Chinchilla with an affinity air.

hehe

And as for the layout for this blog.....come on, who doesn't love grumpy toast?!